Embracing loneliness this Christmas

OPINION: Christmas is typically associated with joy, happiness, and togetherness with family, friends, and loved ones.

At least, this is true for most people.

As I sit back at my desk, surrounded by emptiness and an unusual silence, I feel compelled to share my thoughts on what a lonely Christmas will look like for me this year.

Magical Christmas in Niue

For the first time in my 24 years, I will be celebrating Christmas on my own.

Reflecting on my past Christmas celebrations back home in Niue, I remember being surrounded by family and friends.

Christmas Day 2023 with my family back home in Niue. Photo/Sariah Magaoa.

Those festivities were truly magical - massive feasts including the traditional umu (underground-cooked food), loud music dancing through the open village green, and mountains of love and laughter exchanged with my family. It was always a time of joy.

While I appreciated the presents exchanged each year, the greatest gift was simply being with my family. It was a blessing.

But since moving to New Zealand in May, I knew this Christmas would be different.

With no plans to return home, my household has dwindled from three to one: just me.

Although we had an early Christmas celebration before my household members left to be with their families, I couldn’t help but wonder: what would I be doing on Christmas Day when it’s just me?

We went to see the Christmas lights display in Botany before they departed. My two flatmates (sister Sarah far right and Renee left) and my nephew Irwin. Photo/Sariah Magaoa.

Christmas alone

The memories of past Christmas celebrations, social media feeds filled with joy and family unity, and the constant reminder that while everyone at work is enjoying their annual leave, I will be working through the holiday break – all of this has unnecessary pressure on my mind. I began to fear being alone this Christmas, missing out on the “fun”, and conforming to the idea that Christmas must be spent with family and friends amidst lots of happiness and festivities.

After reflecting on those fears, I realised I am not alone in this.

Many others will also be celebrating Christmas alone this year, and for some, this is a normal part of life. I recognised that Christmas means different things to different people, and it’s what we make of it that determines its meaning.

We opened our Christmas gifts before my flatmates departed, leaving me alone at home. Photo/Sariah Magaoa.

Redefining the season

Choosing to be alone this Christmas is my own decision. While I have family and friends here in Auckland I could celebrate with, I’ve opted for solitude.

I’m used to being with my family during Christmas, but I also realised the importance of this experience for myself.

In our busy lives, we often forget to check in with ourselves.
With this in mind, I’ve decided to focus on self-reflection, quiet moments, and self-love this season.

I’ve come to understand that being alone and feeling lonely are two different experiences. Being alone doesn’t have to mean I feel lonely, and I don’t feel lonely at all. The pressure I felt about being alone this Christmas is not okay because it will make me feel lonely.

But it’s okay to be by myself this Christmas.

I realised that this season will be a time to reflect and embrace self-love and solitude in myself. Photo/Sariah Magaoa.

Embracing loneliness

I realised that loneliness doesn’t have to be something to hide or feel ashamed of, especially when social expectations are high.

By letting go of the pressure to meet an ideal, we can embrace life’s messy, imperfect reality.

This shift allows us to foster a more compassionate and understanding holiday season - one that honours the complexity of human emotions, no matter where we are or what we’re going through.

By acknowledging that loneliness is a valid part of many people’s holiday experiences, we can cultivate a culture that is more inclusive and compassionate.

So if you are like me, spending Christmas alone, it’s okay. You are not alone. Let’s embrace all parts of ourselves this season and challenge the ideal image of what Christmas should look like.

Like we say in Niue, Monuina e Kilisimasi mo e Tau Foou! (Merry Christmas and Happy New Year).