Heaven is real, Hell isn’t: My spiritual journey through ego, love and seeking out peace

I stopped believing in God when I was 11. I remember the night it happened. I was crying and begging God for help, and whatever broke inside me that night stayed broken. I cannot remember a time when I wasn’t depressed or anxious.

Once, while looking at a school photo of myself at Randwick Park School, I asked Mum why I looked so sad. She just said, “It was really bad back then”. I’ve written about my trauma before, but I’ve held back on some things.

On 14 November 2024, I found my way back to God. Not the westernised, colonised version of God. I’m talking about the oneness that Buddha spoke of, the God Jesus pointed to before ego twisted his teachings, the same God Kendrick Lamar refers to, if pop culture resonates more for you.

My return to faith didn’t come from grief or tragedy. My life was relatively stable. Ironically, the moment I reconnected with God, everything fell apart. At the end of December 2024, a near three-year relationship, my longest, ended.

The hardest part about this breakup for me was that I really did think this was my last one. When it ended, it felt like a shot to the chest. I remember praying through tears, promising God I wouldn’t fall away again.

Then 2025 arrived. Dad was rushed to the hospital after his aorta burst. Doctors told us twice that he wouldn’t survive. I remember my mother wailing in her bedroom while my older sister held her.

Vaimaila age 5 (left), 16 (centre), 27 (right). Photo /Aui’a Vaimaila Leatinu’u/Alex Burton (right image)

Dad pulled through, but he returned with delirium and severe behavioural issues. We didn’t know if he’d ever fully recover. Then my brother and his family moved in to help with the mortgage.

My family scraped together what little money we had to renovate the garage so I’d have somewhere to sleep. We could only afford the wall construction and sliding door installation, while my brother and I did the rest ourselves.

Wake up, work, renovate, have dinner, sleep, and repeat. In between, we cleared years of junk that Dad had collected. Life didn’t slow down. Our family dog, Boris, passed away. Mum’s car got stolen. My sister’s car was rammed by a truck. My six-year-old niece was rushed to the hospital.

The garage reno. Photo/Supplied

When Dad finally returned home, things didn’t go back to normal. Without getting into details, he let me down for the last time, and we haven’t spoken since July. Not because I’m angry, but because acceptance means letting go.

There are good parts, though. This year, I went from daily to social smoking, I mostly quit coffee, and I went from 150kgs to 120kgs. I did it through Alternate Day Fasting, daily running and body weight training, ironically not for aesthetic reasons but for spiritual growth.

The point of this article isn’t to unload my trauma but to share the spiritual growth I’ve undergone. I think more of us are ready to move towards enlightenment instead of repeating cycles of pain, ego, and fear.

My coworker took this photo of me for a story in November 2023. Photo/Khalia Strong

Heaven and reincarnation are real

This may upset Western religious folks and atheists alike. But Heaven isn’t a reward, it’s our home. We come from it, and we return to it when we die. Time doesn’t exist there, which is why we incarnate here: to experience growth, choice, and contrast.

Reincarnation can scare people who have suffered because they wonder why they would come back to a place of pain. I’ve read and watched hundreds of Near Death Experiences (NDEs) and they all describe the same thing: leaving the body, feeling overwhelming peace, and reuniting with God.

Some NDE’s don’t even want to return to Earth, but they do, often with a purpose. This idea raises questions: Doesn’t that mean “evil” people return to Heaven too? Yes, because if God is unconditional love, where else would they go?

Hell isn’t real, it’s the ego projecting fear

We are consciousness. The ego is the mind we inhabit, and its favourite tool is fear. Hell, as a concept, serves fear, not truth. It satisfies the egoic superiority of some religious people while giving atheists fuel to point out contradictions.

If God knows all, sees all, and doesn’t intervene, does that not imply allowance rather than vengeance? And if someone grows up conditioned by violence with no opportunity for reform, how is eternal punishment fair?

The idea of Hell is a mechanism of control, not spirituality. It has been historically used to enforce conformity, justify violence, and maintain hierarchy, including during colonialism. Fear keeps people obedient and small.

Every decision you make is influenced by either love or fear

This sounds simple but it’s profound once you start tracking your choices. Fear may convince you to stay in an abusive relationship because you believe you’ll be worse off without that person. Love guides you to leave, not only to protect yourself, but also to give the abuser space to grow without harming you.

Fear tells you to attend a party because of the Fear Of Missing Out (FOMO). But love may take you to that party because you genuinely want to spend time with people you care about.

This framework applies to everything in life: career choices, friendships, creative risks, and setting family boundaries. Every path divides into two: love or fear.

In conclusion, I could say more, but if you’ve made it this far, you may be rolling your eyes, sitting on the fence, or quietly realising this is the sign you’ve been waiting for.

Here are the resources that have guided me:

• Kendrick Lamar’s BAZAAR interview, Compton College speech, and his album Mr Morale & The Big Steppers

• Eckhart Tolle’s works, specifically The Power of Now

• Neale Donald Walsch’s Conversations with God

• Foundation For Inner Peace’s A Course in Miracles

If you’re still here, thank you. Everything I’ve pushed myself to do, physically and spiritually, is for my loved ones: my younger siblings, three nieces, and two nephews.

My family has endured violence, addiction, poverty, and shame for generations. I’m tired of pain being treated as an identity in my community. No more. It’s time for a change. We all deserve peace, don’t you agree?

God bless!