‘Too much’ or a gift? How Elisha Tamasi encourages Pacific beauty reclamation

From hating her curly hair to loving her ancestral nose, Niuean-Māori life coach Elisha Tamasi is on a mission to tell Pacific women they aren’t ‘too extra’ but that they are exactly who they are meant to be.

For a long time, she felt her features needed fixing but now says taking her power back meant realising her features are a gift from “a bloodline of freaking amazing women”.

Tamasi (Avatele of Niue, Ngāpuhi of Aotearoa) is the founder of So Extra, a platform that acts as a vehicle for upliftment. It aims to provide women with tools for self-love, freedom from diet culture and avoiding the trap of feeling they are not good enough.

Speaking with Carolanne Toetu’u on Pacific Days, Tamasi says beauty standards seen in magazines and popular media, such as “slim, blue eyes, [and] blonde hair”, sit outside the mould of Pacific beauty.

“I hated the features I had. My big calves or flat feet. My curly hair was another thing. I had to remember that these come from our ancestors,” Tamasi says.

“We have a bloodline of freaking amazing women. These wāhine toa [strong women]. I love my nose because it comes from these people. I love the way I'm built because it comes from these people.

“The way I look represents our people. You don't need to lose weight to love yourself. When you realise that your beauty comes from such a long bloodline of amazing people, that's going to help you so much.”

Watch Elisha Tamasi’s full interview below.

She says So Extra reclaims a negative connotation used to silence her during her upbringing, where she was often told she was "too much".

“When you hear something so many times: ‘you're too extra, you're too much, you're too loud’, It gets ingrained in you.

“You're programmed to believe that you're too much. You start hiding yourself. You start playing small. You start not speaking up. You dim your light.”

Tamasi grew up in government housing in West Auckland and wanted to be a flight attendant.

Her own light was nearly extinguished after she was fired from her dream job as a flight attendant.

She moved to Melbourne and struggled with her mental health, using drugs and toxic relationships to numb the pain.

“I was struggling with my mental health. I got to my rock bottom moment and thought, ‘what's even the point of living’?”

Once she processed part of her grief, she thought to love herself, she needed to lose weight, considering “I’ve been big my whole life”.

She scoured the internet and found generic solutions such as weight loss pills, crash diets, harsh gym regimes and detox teas.

The turning point came when she discovered life coaching and the idea that "thoughts create your reality."

She moved out of a toxic house, built a business, and finally created a healthy relationship with herself.

“I changed my life through changing my thoughts because it changed my reality. I built an amazing business. I moved out of a toxic house.

“I built a beautiful relationship with myself. I was doing cool things, making more money than I've ever made.”

Tamasi says personal development spaces lack Pacific representation. Because she was already documenting her transformation, Tamasi pivoted to being the Pacific coach she needed.

She then created The Polynesian Life Coach, which is now known as So Extra. Tamasi feels that her work extends beyond life coaching, as there are many “amazing women”, especially Pacific women, in the world.

For Tamasi, it’s about moving the focus from the individual to the community.

“When we are in these rooms, they have so much to give as well. We can learn from each other. We all have so much wisdom and so much knowledge.

“That's how we grow as a people. It’s changing that from that focus on me to the community, impact, legacy, [and] mahi [work].”

Now having returned to Aotearoa New Zealand four months ago, Tamasi has noticed a big gap in safe spaces where Pacific women can talk about their struggles without shame.

She wants to bring the tools she used for self-love accessible to everyone, including those who may lack the finances to attend private coaching.

Elisha Tamasi invites women to join her journey through her podcast, Instagram and TikTok.