Finding a ‘NewBae’ in 2026: A South Akl singles night changing up the dating scene

By the time you hit your 30s, dating can feel less like fun and more like pressure, especially when every family gathering comes with a silent question about your relationship status.

For many Pasifika singles, the dating scene in 2026 has shifted away from casual swiping towards something more intentional.

Time feels precious, expectations are higher, and patience for mixed signals or ghosting is wearing thin.

Dating apps that once promised endless options are now being described as digital dead zones.

Tinder and its many offshoots are often criticised for shallow interactions, short-lived “situationships” and a lack of accountability.

Across social media, particularly TikTok, women have been vocal about what they want and won’t accept in relationships this year.

One widely shared video lists strict “Dating Rules of 2026”, cutting off potential partners who lack financial stability, self-care habits, emotional awareness or strong values.

“If you’re not making good money, you’re cut,” TikTok user @itsmarinasilva says. “If you don’t work out, cut. If you’ve not gone to therapy, cut. If you have friends who lie or cheat, you’re cut. If you follow lustful accounts, cut.”

For Pacific women over 30, many say the dating pool feels even smaller. Online discussions often point to experiences of racism, derogatory language, men already in relationships, or partners who lack independence.

Some joke about the need for “cousin-proofing”, where you check the family ties before anything else, alongside conversations about boundaries, finance, and long-term goals.

Against this backdrop, a new speed dating event called NEWBAE has been gaining attention in South Auckland.

Held every Wednesday night at the Manukau Woodside Bar, the event is designed specifically for Pacific singles looking for genuine connection.

Queen Shirl’e, NEWBAE executive director, producer, and host, told Pacific Days the idea came from frustration with dating apps and a lack of Pacific presence at traditional speed dating events.

She says NEWBAE was created to make dating feel less intimidating and more familiar. “I’ve been to a couple of speed dating events already. What I found was a lack of Pasifika people at these events and I know why, it’s because a lot of us are shy.

Watch Queen Shirl'e's full interview below.

“Were not really into this stuff. I was kind of over the swiping and people ghosting me, or me ghosting them. This really was about bringing our Pasifika singles together because a lot of us are shy and we still struggle to get out there.”

The night is run like a relaxed but organised social mixer. Doors open at 6pm to give people time to arrive after work and get through traffic.

Speed dating starts at 7pm, with attendees starting off with a drink and some kai to ease the nerves. Women remain seated while the men rotate between tables, guided by Shirl’e, who keeps time and energy flowing. Each date lasts 10 minutes.

At the end of the night, attendees mark who they connected with on a “dating card”. Within 24 hours, Shirl’e manually matches people. If the interest is mutual, contact details are shared.

“They can take it from there. No one’s forcing you to go on a second date with anybody. You’re in control.”

Shirl’e says many attendees find the experience empowering, even if they don’t meet a partner.

“For me, it’s about uplifting people, it’s not even about finding a partner or anything like that for some. Some of them just come out because they’ve been hurt for so long. They’ve been healing and they’re still trying to discover whether they’re able to see other people again.”