“I was ready to quit”: How Toa Halafihi’s international rugby career was saved

For many rugby players, the path to international success is well-defined, but Toa Halafihi’s career almost ended before it had even started.

In the second episode of the PMN video series Pasifika Rugby Warriors Tackling Europe, the New Zealand-born, Gisborne-raised back-rower talks to PMN Sports Correspondent James Nokise about how he hit rock bottom mentally after a stint in France.

Halafihi, 31, who is of Tongan heritage, never expected to play international rugby but found himself in the unlikely position of playing for the Italian national team.

“Oh, I didn’t know I was going to be representing Italy,” he says. “But my journey just kind of led me here.

“I started in Gizi (Gisborne), went to Naki (Taranaki), and then, funny enough, I found myself in the Azzurri colours. I’m grateful for it.”

His early career followed the classic pathway of New Zealand rugby.

However, the biggest decision came when he was faced with two offers: a spot in the Chiefs’ wider squad or a contract in France.

With his young twins in mind, Halafihi made a choice that would change his life.

“I was like, look, I think it’s time for me to look after my family. So I went over to Lyon in France.”

France, however, was not the dream he had imagined.

“You hear those stories about people not making it in France and how hard it is,” he says. “And look, I got advice not to go. I think that was probably one of my biggest regrets.”

Despite his efforts, his time in France was mentally and physically draining. The playing style and the expectations took a toll on him.

“I came back mentally crushed because I didn’t perform the way I wanted to.”

“When you’re getting paid that amount of money, the coaches are on you, the presidents are on you.”

After a tough season, he returned to New Zealand, a shadow of the player he once was.

Toa Halafihi playing for Italy. Photo/SA Rugby Mag

“I was pretty down, eh? I was actually thinking about giving it up. I was 24, and I was just mentally ruined.”

His salvation came in the form of a lifeline from Taranaki, but even then, he struggled to find joy in the game.

“I was still mentally gone. I just couldn’t believe how I went from playing at a certain level to what I thought was my worst rugby ever.”

Then came a call that changed everything. Former All Black Kieran Crowley, a respected coach who had connections with Halafihi through Taranaki, reached out.

Crowley, then coaching in Italy, had heard of Halafihi’s struggles.

“He said, ‘Look, I know what happened in France, and I know what kind of mental space you're in, but if you’re still willing to give rugby a go, you’re welcome to come have a trial at Benetton for three months.’”

With little to lose, Halafihi took the chance, and it turned out to be the best decision of his career.

“From the first day I got into Italy, I knew I was home. The first person I met was a Fijian, and I thought, ‘Yeah, this is Italy.’”

The environment at the Benetton Rugby club, led by Crowley, was familiar.

“It was a New Zealand style of rugby, run by a New Zealander. I fit in fast, everyone spoke English, and there wasn’t much change. I knew straight away I was going to stay.”

Six years later, Halafihi is a key figure in Italian rugby, having earned international selection through residency.

“I didn’t come here looking for that,” he says.

“But when it came time to decide whether to play for Italy or wait for Tonga, I wanted to give back to the people who had saved my career.

“Looking back six years ago, I was ready to quit. If it weren’t for the coach, for my wife, for the people around me, I wouldn’t have been playing rugby anymore.”

With three children and an established career in Europe, Halafihi’s rise to international glory serves as an inspiring testament to resilience.

“My journey has always been about good people,” he says.

“I was lucky enough to have good coaches and teammates. And without my wife and my family keeping me up, I wouldn’t be here today.”