Couple's anguish over losing daughter

“We never got to hold her while she was alive.”

Daisy and John Pedersen's daughter, Delilah Naite Pedersen, was born with a weak heartbeat, and died 32 minutes later.

"I had to be put to sleep for the c-section because there was no time for anaesthetic", says Daisy. "And my husband wasn’t allowed in theatre with me, so by the time he was allowed in and I woke up she had already passed.

“It was honestly one of the hardest things we’ve ever gone through."

Daisy, who has Tongan and Samoan heritage, contracted listeria during pregnancy, a rare complication that can be fatal for an unborn baby.

Speaking to Ma’a Brian Sagala on Pacific Days, dad John remembers it being 3am when Josie from Babyloss NZ Charity came to the hospital and made casts of Delilah’s hands and feet.

“We were so devastated, like life had just paused, time stopped, just the trauma of everything going on.

“We couldn’t even think about making memories to cherish what time we had left with our baby girl, so when they came through and made everything so amazing for us and gave us a little gift box, we thought ‘Man, we want to help you guys’.”

Charity Babyloss NZ helped to make tiny casts of Delilah's hands and feet. Photo/Supplied

Neonatal death is when a baby dies within four weeks of birth, an outcome that affects more than two hundred families in New Zealand every year.

Daisy says it was completely unexpected.

“We definitely weren’t prepared. I was trusting in the fact that all of my family have had successful births, and I don’t think my family’s really gone through baby loss before.”

Preparing for a different future

More than a year later, Daisy says the pain is still there, but her faith gives her strength.

“Knowing that my baby girl is in heaven, that was the thing that really helped me. She’s in a much better place, this world would have been too cruel for her.”

Now, the couple are helping to raise money for Babyloss NZ in an upcoming event, and connect with other families who have suffered a similar loss.

“We’ve just come over a year and a few months now”, says John. “And the amount of healing we’ve gone through just by talking about it more. I know it’s easy to push the hurt down, and just being open and vulnerable about journeying through this and having this meet, I think it brings healing to people.”

Daisy says their grief has added new purpose as they work to honour Delilah’s memory.

“Even though she was only here for 32 minutes, everything that we’ve done from her birth til now is pretty much her legacy.

“I think baby loss can sometimes affect a relationship very much, and so the fact that we’ve come out stronger than we were even before here is just kind of amazing, and I owe that to her. I owe that to my girl.”

Baby Loss Fundraiser Meet 2024 is on this Sunday, 5th May from 11am-2pm at Rongomai Park, East Tamaki.