Christmas heartache: It’s about time - not money - that you spend

I had just gotten out of the hospital at age five when I realised the significance of the holiday season.

It wasn’t about the gifts I wrote on my Christmas list or the presents I got that morning.

It was a Christmas stuffed with Tongan fare such as lu sipi, crab salad, roasted puaka tunu (pig), and my father’s special European ham.

William Sangster's grandpa Taniela Kama, with William's mum Lonili.

As a Tongan, Christmas is being surrounded by 30 cousins, uncles, aunties, and grandparents.

It was like the scene in Home Alone where there were a million different things going on in the house.

Before every Christmas feast, my grandpa Taniela Kama says a speech and a prayer every year.

He constantly reminds us to be grateful for the time we had together and he personally thanks each of us.

“Be present and appreciate the people here; family is the most important part.”

Our Christmas days are filled with laughter, food, and my grandpa’s jokes.

“Thank you for anything.”

We know he means “thank you for everything”.

His smile that ends his 15-minute speech always warms our hearts.

My grandpa is the epitome of what Christmas is all about. He always invites everyone to come over for a feed. No matter who or when, you know it will be a great time.

My mom was only two months old when she was given to her aunt to look after.

She was four years old when her aunty married Taniela, and he has been a wonderful father and grandfather.

Growing up, he has always said to me and my brother: “I might not be your real grandpa, but I am your grandpa by choice and love."

He was there to pick me up from primary school, buy me lunches, or take me to events. He was present at everything and was my biggest supporter.
The past few years has been tough to celebrate with Covid and my grandpa being in and out of hospital with dialysis for his battle with kidney illness.

I was looking forward to seeing him and celebrating with him this Christmas. He cheekily told me last time I saw him, “Bring your girlfriend next time; see you soon. I love you.”

Two weeks ago, he died suddenly from a heart attack at home.

It is a hard loss.

And Christmas will forever be different.

This year will be filled with grief, but also with good - and funny - memories of him.

Christmas is not about the gifts you get or how much you spend.
It’s about the people you spend it with.